Chaplain Lynne writes:

I interacted with a woman this week who shared a very negative engagement her family had with a Chaplain (that is, a poorly trained Chaplain) during the unexpected loss of her infant child. She shared that without knowing her, or her family, during the first hour after their child died, the chaplain stepped into their hospital room, sat down abruptly and started sharing what she called “words of Wisdom”. He made strong statements of how God was testing them. That God was also disciplining them through this tragedy. He stated that any mistakes they made in their life, God was now teaching them through testing them with this loss. As a woman of faith, she shared that she struggled with the face of God presented to her as a vengeful punishing God, uncaring for her loss and deep pain. It wounded her profoundly and took the tragedy of their loss to an even deeper level of trauma.

After listening, I shared with her that I was so very sorry for her experience. It appeared she met a poorly trained or untrained Chaplain.  I hoped her faith would bring her comfort. She shared she was blessed by the simpleness of my message to her, of allowing her to share her pain.

As a Chaplain, we represent our faith foundation. We become the face of what we believe. Following this interaction, in prayer, I was challenged to imagine that I could see the face of God. To identify what I see within and upon the face of my God.

In that imagining, I see so much in the face of God. It actually aligns with my role in chaplaincy. As a chaplain we train around Purpose, Presence, Peace, Compassion and Silence.

I realized that I do see within, or written across my God’s face… what a true Chaplain is for the hurting.

Purpose

      • His purpose… love. To love. Poured out, unconditional love… that led to the ultimate sacrifice to save me. And the moment to moment sacrifice to be with me, to uplift and gird me, and then lead me when I am ready.

Presence

      • He is with me. His never-ending presence, available to me personally. Simply caring enough to sit with me when I am hurting and lost. Because He loves me. Because He knows how I need to have someone near.

Peace

      • My God is a God of peace. He brings peace, He gives peace, He is peace. He creates peace within me and surrounds it about me. This allows Him to use that peace for others in the midst of chaos.

Compassion

      • His love pours out empathy, care and compassion for my needs, my concerns, joy and pain.

Silence

    • When I see my God’s face, it’s not haughty with self-focused words… nor reprimands… but intentional quietness to allow me to share, to hear my heart and minister to the depth of my very soul.

Chaplains have a unique opportunity to be the face of God to those who are hurting.
Chaplain, what do you imagine that you see in the face of our God? How can you be that to those you serve?

Blessings, Chaplain Lynne

 (please click here to go to comments to add prayer request)

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God .” ~ Matt 5:8 

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Lessons

Explore common questions about the role of chaplaincy and how to improve these essential skills.

Lessons Learned

What lessons do we learn from this poorly trained chaplain’s actions?

  1. He did not understand the basics of trauma
  2. He did not introduce himself
  3. He forgot that the Chaplains purpose is to ease the pain, provide support and reduce the chaos by bringing peace into the midst
  4. He did not provide a peaceful, compassionate presence, allowing them to process and share their grief, trauma and pain
  5. He did not inquire as to the families faith foundation
  6. He did not realize that in the first 48 hours the traumatized brain does not process critical information/advice
  7. He gave advice based on his personal beliefs, unaware of the wounding his comments made into their faith
  8. He demonstrated his knowledge, not his compassion and empathy
  9. We can assume that it is likely he was uncomfortable with their pain and loss and tried to fill the void with “helpful words”
Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

1 Comment

  1. Great words of wisdom Chaplain. So appreciated the way you cut to the heart of the matter. You really showed what a “good” chaplain looks like. Shame this person didn’t have YOU to lean on instead of what she got.

    Reply

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